Tell Me Why

Finding a therapist can be a daunting task. By the time you decide to start therapy, you are probably already overwhelmed, frustrated, or feeling stuck. Having to seek out a therapist on top of all that may seem impossible. Many folks don’t know where to start and every website starts to look the same. Some may book an intake through an online portal just to get started as soon as possible. After attending the first session, folks may feel that the therapist isn’t the best fit for them or is not quite what they were expecting out of therapy. This cycle can be demoralizing and present another barrier to getting help. Finding the right therapist for you doesn’t have to be so hard or scary. Below are some questions that can be a helpful guide line for determining the best therapist you you.

Where to Start?

Like with any life problem, we usually start with a Google or a Google “+ reddit” search. Google and Reddit searches will give options of therapists near you, but the endless lists of names may leave out some key information that could be helpful.

Another place to start is the Find a Therapist page on Psychology Today. It’s a therapist directory, filled with profiles and information just like an online dating site. Some nice features about the Psychology Today directory are categories you can use to refine the search. You can start with entering your city or zip code, but you can also search by your concern (anxiety, depression, ADHD, relationship issues, etc.), gender of the therapist, your insurance plan carrier, and the type of therapy. These categories can narrow down the search to provide some more specific suggestions. For example, if you are tired of having ADHD meltdowns and like having structure and homework after therapy, you can search ADHD and Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and have a list of therapist who specialize in working with ADHD through using CBT.

Phone Calls? But I Hate Talking on the Phone
You have browsed the therapist profiles, looked through some websites, may have gotten a name from a friend, and now you are ready to start the therapy adventure. You send a message or email to the therapist and are accomplished for the rest of your day. But wait, the therapist responds and mentions a phone consultation. Phone calls are gross and scary, why is this person wanting to schedule one?

Phone calls may seem annoying, but they can also be a good check to see if you are getting the best therapist for you. Some therapists allow direct booking, with no contact before the intake session. Other therapists recommend a brief phone consultation before scheduling an intake and starting therapy. This isn’t just to be annoying and have another gate in the way of getting help. Some reasons for having a phone consult are to hear about your reasons for starting therapy, what you are expecting out of therapy, what has worked for you in the past, what you are interested in trying, and some screening and safety questions. Phone consults are not interrogations, but conversations to feel out if there is a good fit for working together. They are a great time to ask any questions you may have and to see if you connect with the therapist. Much of therapy is relational based, so having a person you click with can be key to the process.

What Can I Ask?
You can advocate for what is best for your care. Some questions to ask a potential therapist can be:

What Kind of Therapy Do You Do?

Most therapists specialize in a type of therapy, also called a theoretical approach. Understanding the type of therapy someone practices can provide insight into their methods and techniques. Some therapists might lean towards cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), while others may prefer psychodynamic or person centered approaches. If you are seeking a certain type of therapy, like EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing), Somatic, or IFS (Internal Family Systems), asking if a therapists provides that type can be helpful. Knowing this can help you gauge whether their style aligns with your preferences and needs.

Have you worked with my kind of stuff before?
What experience do you have in treating [insert pressing concern here]?

If you’re looking for help with something, it’s important to know if your therapist has the tools and experience to support you. A not great fit could be like asking your hair stylist how to change the oil in your car. The hair stylist may cut excellent layers but probably doesn’t specialize in car maintenance. Asking a therapist if they have experience working with things like anxiety, depression, trauma, or relationship problems, and how they work with these concerns can be helpful. This question allows you to assess their expertise and whether they have successfully helped others with similar concerns.

How do you establish goals for therapy?

Having clear therapeutic goals is important for determining progress. You can ask the therapist how they typically establish these goals with their clients. Understanding their goal-setting process can give you insight into how they structure their sessions and track progress over time.

What is your stance on medication?

If you're considering therapy alongside medication, it's essential to know the therapist's perspective on medication management. Some therapists work closely with psychiatrists or medical professionals, while others may have a more holistic approach. Knowing their perspective can help you make informed decisions about your treatment.

How do you handle confidentiality?
Will my therapy by confidential?

Confidentiality is a cornerstone of therapy, but it's essential to understand the therapist's policies and limitations regarding confidentiality. Ask about their confidentiality agreement and any exceptions to confidentiality. Any therapists should be able to explain mandated reporting laws or situations where they might need to break confidentiality for your safety or the safety of others, as well as answering any questions you may have about confidentiality.

What role do you see yourself playing in my treatment?
How does therapy work when working with you?

Understanding the therapist's perception of their role in your treatment can help clarify expectations and boundaries. Some therapists take a more directive approach, offering guidance and advice, while others may adopt a more collaborative or non-directive stance, allowing clients to explore their thoughts and feelings more independently. If you like a structured approach, maybe having homework to do outside of session and having a resource for accountability, a directive style may fit your needs. If you like having more of a loose guide or a conversation that is less directed, a more non-directive collaborative style may be a better fit. There are no wrong answers, just what will work best for you.

How will we know if therapy is working?
You’re likely starting therapy to get help, so it would be nice to know how to tell if the help is working or not. You can ask the therapist how they gauge progress and determine whether therapy is effective. The therapist should be able to discuss potential benchmarks or indicators of progress and how treatment goals are evaluated. Having a clear framework for assessing progress can be helpful to check if therapy feels like its working and where it may feel like it’s not working.

I Took a Chance
Finding the right therapist is a highly personal process. It is okay to take your time and ask questions until you feel confident and good about moving forward with someone. Trust your instincts. Finding a therapist can be overwhelming, but finding a therapist who makes you feel understood, supported, and empowered can be worth it.

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